Long-Distance Lesbian Relationships – How to Survive the Distance

Picture this: you finally meet the woman or partner of your dreams. Your heart is full of warmth, joy, contentment, and love. The two of you are the true definition of lesbian couple goals!

Sadly, for unavoidable reasons, you are forced to live far apart from each other. And your long-distance lesbian relationship becomes an issue that is threatening your bond.

Whilst I understand your concerns, there is no need to worry. You can still enjoy a happy and healthy lesbian relationship even when the love of your life is far away. 

In fact, long-distance relationships are becoming more and more common. You may have met your partner online or on holiday. Or a change of personal circumstances such as a job or university means that you have to live apart.

Of course, there are several situations where you can find yourself in a romantic relationship with someone who lives miles away.  And regardless of the circumstances, long-distance WLW relationships are tough.

Having said that, the chances of a long-distance lesbian relationship working out are pretty high. It may be unconventional compared to what we know about relationships, but with some work and dedication, you can be just as happy as any other couple.

Here are some actionable tips that a queer couple in a long-distance relationship can adapt to if they want their relationship to survive.

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Tips for Surviving a Long-Distance Lesbian Relationship

Read more about how we survived a long distance queer relationship in our romantic lesbian love story or watch the video below!

1. Long-Distance WLW Relationships Need Work

The best lesbian relationships do not just happen. Whether long-distance or not, all relationships need dedication, sacrifice, and a lot of hard work.

When getting into a long-distance WLW relationship, know beforehand that it will not always be smooth sailing. The distance will sometimes mean that you get into arguments.

Other times, loneliness will become too much, and you will yearn for a kiss or hug from your significant other, cursing the long distance between you.

Do not forget that communication is vital when in a long-distance queer relationship. An important element of this is sharing your expectations for when you are apart.

For example, do you expect your partner to be monogamous in your relationship? How often will you speak to one another? Are you expected to see each other often? Being upfront about these issues early on will avoid disappointment later down the line.

Trust is also key when in a long-distance lesbian relationship. If you are in a monogamous relationship, never assume that infidelity will automatically occur because you live apart.

Many long-distance lesbian relationships never have to deal with this issue, thanks to the partners’ commitment and love for each other. That said, both parties must truly believe in fighting for what they have despite the distance.

2. Communication is key

The importance of effective communication with your significant other cannot be emphasised enough. While miscommunication is one of the k!llers of a long-distance lesbian relationship, good communication will keep the fire burning between the two of you. 

Learn how to verbalise your thoughts and feelings when communicating with your significant other. If your partner is doing something that makes you happy, let them know. You should also find a kind way to tell them when they do something that does not sit with you well.

At the same time, go out of your way to share the details of your everyday life. As you would with a partner that lived with you, tell them when you’ve had a good day or a bad day.

Share what you had for dinner. Relive that funny moment that happened at work today. Normalising your relationship and making your partner feel involved in your life will make them feel special and missed.

You can also take advantage of long-distance relationship apps that can help spice up communication. Or even better, go beyond the screen when communicating with your partner.

Little things such as sending a letter or thoughtful gift, writing them a poem, or even sharing some cute long-distance relationship quotes can make your partner melt. In time, they will not even think of the long-distance as an issue.

3. Keep Intimacy Alive and Hot

It goes without saying that intimacy is a huge part of a successful relationship. So, when you don’t live near your partner, you’ll both need to come up with creative ways to keep the fire burning.

Examples of options you can play around with include:

• Talking dirty and teasing each other through intimate calls or videos
• Sending flirty texts and $exy photos that will get them in the mood
• Spice things up with a new ad*ult toy or outfit
• Telling each other your fantasies
• Buying each other naughty gifts
• Plan a personal bucket list for when you are finally together physically

Many professionals who offer valuable long-distance queer relationship advice insist that couples make an effort to be honest and open about their desires, feelings, and needs. This is one of the best ways to maintain an intimate connection regardless of the distance.

Intimate moments help create a stronger bond where you and your significant other can share fun and pleasure.

4. Enjoy Virtual Dates

A word of caution! Your dating life should not come to an end simply because you are in a long-distance queer relationship. There are tons of imaginative date ideas you can work with to maintain the connection between you and have a great time despite the distance. 

Playing games, watching a movie, going for walks, taking baths together, drinking the same bottle of wine, learning a language are just a few of the long-distance relationship date ideas you can try.

Learn what your partner likes and include stuff that makes them happy. You may have to compromise and engage in activities that you may not like, but that’s the same as with any relationship. While on the subject, it pays to remember that ‘compromise’ is the magic word of any healthy and successful relationship. 

5. Establish Long Distance Relationship Rules

I briefly touched on this matter earlier in the article, and the sentiment stands. If you want your long-distance lesbian relationship to work out, you must set boundaries with your partner.

Both of you need to be on the same page concerning multiple aspects of the relationship. For example, your other half cannot be out there seeing other people when you are at home staying celibate. Talk about such issues in advance so that there is no misunderstanding in the future.

There is no need to be with someone who does not want the same things as you do. In addition to having personal goals, a couple needs to set their relationship goals and work together to achieve them.

Keeping each other in check in a loving way is one of the most sensible to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.

6. Be Mindful of One Another’s Circumstances

At the same time, try to be mindful and understanding of your partners’ circumstances. Try not to get angry or upset if your partner doesn’t call you on time or seems distant in your communication. They could have had a bad day or were made to work late. Until you know the facts, do not jump to assumptions. 

You may also need to take note of time differences. For instance, if your other half is in Australia and you are in the US, you may be sleeping when they are awake. Both of you need to schedule times you are comfortable with to ensure you have a fantastic time catching up.

7. Do not Go Too Long Without Seeing Each Other

One of the essential long-distance queer relationship tips to live by is planning to see each other whenever possible. It’s just not right to go for too long without seeing each other in real life as most relationships require one on one time and physical contact in order to survive. 

It makes sense to alternate visiting one another, seeing that travelling can be pretty costly and involves a lot of planning. When working on a budget, you can always explore money-saving tips that will help ease the financial burden.

And do not forget that your significant other may not be able to take much time off when you visit them. Sulking about this will not help. Instead, be understanding while at the same time making the most out of your time together. Remember, you are both in the same position and experiencing similar emotions.

Of course, you do not even have to go where your partner is living. Another idea you can work with is to meet each other halfway or go to a new lesbian-friendly destination such as Berlin or London to create a magical memory for you both.

8. Maintain Your Individuality

While working to make your long-distance lesbian relationship work, it can be easy to lose your individuality. Avoid making this mistake when dealing with distance issues. As with any relationship, you should be working to bring out the best in each other while also staying true to yourself and the things you like. Your partner’s happiness should not cost you your own.

Take time to continue or discover new interests and hobbies as you support your partner in continuing their own. Couples can have exciting conversations about individual pursuits while trying to minimise distance issues. 

Of course, your partner needs to be a high priority in your life. You, however, also need to nourish and establish new relationships. Be sure to schedule quality time for yourself. Taking good care of yourself means you will be in the best position to take care of the woman you love despite the distance.

9. Tackle Problems as they Come

As with any normal lesbian relationship, there will be moments when you conflict with your other half. My advice is to avoid sweeping issues under the carpet and pretending that things are good when they are not. Doing so will only cause strain on the relationship and could do damage in the long run.  

Instead, you should respectfully talk about any relationship problems you have with your partner and solve them amicably. Take time to listen to and understand your partners’ points of view. From here, you can try and come up with solutions that work well for both of you. 

Granted, you will not always agree with each other; however, this is not an excuse to hurt each other. Fighting will only hurt you both, even more so because you are apart. Try to find balance instead. Remember what I’ve been saying about compromise.

Where necessary, you may even get professional help to save your long distance queer relationship if you cannot figure out how to deal with the issues.

Closing Thoughts on Long Distance Lesbian Relationships 

Many people have been in successful, happy, and healthy long-distance lesbian relationships, and there is no reason you shouldn’t be in one. By following the tips above, you will enjoy a great relationship regardless of where your significant other is.

Are you or have you ever been in a long-distance lesbian relationship? What worked for you? What did not work for you? Are there any questions you would like to ask experts or couples in a similar relationship? Is there any advice you can give ladies who want to pursue this type of relationship? We would love to hear from you in the comments.

Happy Dating!

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Guest Author
By Guest Author Rebecca Shinn. Rebecca is a relationship counsellor and freelance writer who teaches people how to cultivate meaningful relationships and overcome toxic connections. She also does one-on-one sessions, focusing on individuals and their unique problems to provide tailor-made solutions. She loves nature, technology, and animals. If you enjoyed her article, you could always check out more of her work at Singapore Stories.

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