If I had a pound for every time somebody said to me “it must be so much easier being a lesbian than it is to date men”, I would be a wealthy woman. As any lesbian couple will tell you, this common, and slightly annoying assumption couldn’t be further than the truth. And lesbian relationships require just as much work as any other couple. If not more. (After all, synchronisation is real, despite what the experts might say.)
You could say that the best lesbian relationships are like all things worth having in life. They don’t come easy. You often see relationships compared to plants, meaning that they need to be taken care of in order to grow. And there is a lot of sense in that. If you don’t prioritise nurturing your relationship, then just like a plant, it will die. But if you’re committed to investing your time and energy into it, you can expect to reap the awards.
Natalie and I have been together for almost 6 years. And while we may appear to have the ‘perfect’ lesbian love story, the truth is, there’s no such thing. It’s been a roller coaster journey to get to where we are today. And we’ve endured both extreme highs and extreme lows. At times we’ve even come close to breaking completely. But working through these hard times ultimately made us stronger than ever.
As we often get asked a lot for lesbian relationship advice, we felt it would be a great idea to write an article on it. Not only will you find some of our own top tips for a healthy lesbian relationship, but we’ve also called in for some help from 12 of our favourite lesbian couples for their invaluable advice. We are covering everything from date night ideas and how to maintain a healthy relationship, to how to prepare for kids, marriage, and disagreements.
So let’s get to it. Here’s some solid lesbian relationship advice to help all lesbian couples.
13 Couples Share Their Lesbian Relationship Advice
Kirstie and Christine (On Airplane Mode)
(Q) It has to be said, you two are lesbian couple goals! What is your secret recipe for maintaining a happy and healthy lesbian relationship?
(A) We have five special ingredients to our happy & healthy relationship: communication, adventure, trust, support, and of course, our neediness for each other.
1. Communication is key. We need to be able to speak our feelings and mutually understand where the other is coming from. We may not always be right, but we can trust each other to listen, be receptive and compromise. This allows us to be our truest & most vulnerable selves with one another. (It also helps us when we’re just hangry, and neither of us can decide what to eat for dinner lol!)
2. Adventure is a must! We obviously travel a ton, but we can have an adventure anywhere. We both love an adrenaline rush and like to keep things exciting and new. This can be as easy as visiting a new country or trying a new hobby together. Skydiving, anyone?
3. Trust allows us to be vulnerable and believe that the other has their best intentions at heart. It creates a safe zone for us that we can’t recreate that with anyone else.
4. Support. We both live, work, and travel together. It is essential to us that we keep each other motivated, lift each other on bad days, and fuel the passion for us as a team.
5. Neediness. We literally don’t like being without each other… EVER (hence how we put up with each other 24/7). We keep the neediness for each other strong by constantly working on points 1-4!
We have found the more we keep these five ingredients healthy, the more we thrive as a couple! This recipe is also essential in our friendships so let’s be friends!
Emilie and Rebecca
(Q) What activities or hobbies do you enjoy doing together that help connect you as a couple?
(A) First of all, when it comes to lesbian relationship advice, every couple is different. Every couple has various activities that they enjoy doing together, and it’s up to you to find out what they are so you have something to bond over.
When it comes to us, for example, we both love arts. Emilie, as a hobby loves to paint, meanwhile I love music (writing songs, singing, musicals, etc.). So often, Emilie and I will have a night to ourselves with no social media, no phones and no electronics. We use this time to paint together and talk about anything and everything.
Social media is inevitably another way we can connect as a couple. We started Tiktok because we had a lot of fun dancing together, pranking each other and doing challenges. We love creating content together, and it helps to keep the spark alive in our relationship.
We also find the outdoors extremely important in our relationship. We love to go for walks and hikes as it allows us both to stay active and do something for ourselves to stay healthy. It also helps us to connect spiritually. We always have a lot of fun laughing together when visiting new places, and we couldn’t imagine doing so with anybody else other than each other!
After all, it is SO important to share your life with someone with whom you have things in common. Because at the end of the day, you will both be doing these activities together at some point. We are going to be forever thankful we found one another and that we get to do all of these fun things together.
Cara and Cara
(Q) What lesbian relationship advice would you give to a lesbian couple wanting to start a family?
(A) Cara C: Genetics doesn’t make a family; love does. Love is what a child craves; what a child needs. The best advice I can give to a lesbian couple that’s wanting to start a family is not to get caught up in the genetics of everything. Don’t concern yourselves with worries about the egg coming from you, or having your exact DNA as part of the makeup for your child.
Regardless of who carries, your child is just that… YOUR CHILD. No matter what, no matter the DNA, no matter if you are the biological mother or the support system for your partner. You will love, cherish, adore and be so incredibly thankful for your new family that genetics will not even play a factor in the grand scheme of things. Like I said in the beginning, love makes a family. Love is the only component that matters, and you will have that in abundance!
A) Cara W: My advice would be don’t be too hard on yourself. Starting a family is a new chapter for you and your partner. It’s not always going to be easy, and it can’t all be precious moments, hugs and kisses. There will be times when you have little sleep, times when you are struggling, and times when you feel like you are failing as a parent.
Just remember, we as parents, have ALL been there!! You are not alone in this process, and we can all understand those stressful parenting moments. Just know that you will absolutely get through any tough points. And those trying times are what makes you stronger for your partner, stronger for your child, and stronger as an individual.
Parenting isn’t easy, but it is the most important, rewarding, incredible experience you will ever have in life. So relax. And embrace every moment of this exciting journey.
If you want to learn more about Cara and Cara, follow them on Instagram: @caras_atl.
Steph and Kaitlin (Lez See The World)
(Q) What relationship advice would you give to a lesbian couple thinking about marriage? How did you know that you were ready to take your relationship to the next level?
(A) We always knew that we wanted to get married one day, and it was something we talked about during the early years of our relationship. We both have always felt strongly about exercising our right to become legal spouses because not all queer people are fortunate enough even to have the option.
We are so grateful to be from Canada where same-sex marriage has been legal nationwide since 2005, and it was important to us to celebrate our right to marry. We got married after we had already been in a relationship for five years, and it just felt right. We had already moved across the country and built a life together, so it was a natural step forward that we both felt ready for.
Our advice for lesbian couples who are thinking about marriage would be to hold your love for one another close to your hearts, and always remember that you deserve to become legal partners and spouses. Not everyone will accept your union, but it is equal. Same-sex marriage is still new, and the wedding industry is very heteronormative, and so you may need to get used to asserting yourselves as two brides.
We recommend having LGBTQ+ friendly vendors and inclusive businesses involved in your wedding planning! However you decide to plan your wedding and whatever marriage means to you, is valid. You’re allowed to write your own rules, and that’s one of the best parts of marrying the person you love.
Laura & Marine (Our Colourful Journey)
(Q) What do you love the most about being in a lesbian relationship?
(A) One of our favourite things about our relationship is that it all started with a solid friendship before anything ‘romantic’ happened. We had a great connection as soon as we met. And when we realised that we were, in fact, in love with each other, that bond only grew stronger.
We like to say that we are definitely not just girlfriends, but best friends above anything. So our relationship is like having fun with your best friend, 24/7. We have heard similar stories from other lesbian couples, so we think this is one of the best parts about being in a lesbian relationship.
We connect so deeply with each other, and we love that we don’t have to worry about any judgements when we’re silly – because we can get very weird at times. We also find it easy to talk about our feelings and open up to each other, even about things that concern our relationship.
Sometimes we have moments where we ask each other: “okay, can I talk to my best friend about something? Girlfriend leave for a minute“. It’s silly, but we love it, and it just shows that we can talk to each other about anything, just like best friends.
Another thing we love about being in a lesbian relationship is how much comfort we find being in the presence of another woman. Everything seems familiar, and it’s so comforting to be able to relate to each other’s body, whilst appreciating our differences.
Being in a lesbian relationship has allowed us to connect deeper with our own bodies as well, and to feel so much better in our own skin. There is less of that “social pressure” to have the perfect body that is expected from women in society since we both are under that same pressure. We love each other’s body just the way they are, and we make sure we help each other feel more and more comfortable with their appearance, which helps a lot with our self-esteem in general.
Having two closets is also a big plus in being in a lesbian relationship. We both are roughly the same height, and we both have the same shoe size. It is honestly the perfect match. When we get dressed or plan an outfit for a shoot, we know what the other has in their closet, which gives us double the choice!
Finally, one of our absolute favourite things is being able to cuddle any time you want. We are both as sensitive as each other, and we both love physical contact. Being able to cuddle or be ‘touchy’ without worrying that the other one will get annoyed is a gift from heaven!
Steff and Ells (We Are Wandering Travel)
(Q) Some say that lesbian relationships move really fast. Is the “U-haul” joke true, and what are your thoughts on it?
(A) Ah, that good old joke:
What do lesbians bring on a second date?
A U-Haul van.
It doesn’t just stop there, though. Oh, no, no, no. Lesbians then have their life mapped out by the third date. It’s not unheard of to be engaged within 6 months of being together. That’s perfectly normal in our realm and equivalent to six years in heterosexual relationships. Then before you know it, we’re celebrating our one-year-anniversaries at the IVF clinic. Of course, this is a massive lesbian stereotype… but again, not unheard of.
For Steff and I, our U-Haul was more ‘a one-way ticket out of the UK to travel the world together forever’ Yay! There’s a lot of stereotypes within the LGBTQ+ community, and this is most definitely one of those that we struggle to disprove. From my own experience, I have U-hauled, and I have seen lots of other lesbian couples U-Haul – but not all lesbian couples have the urge to merge.
For those that do, though, I have a simple theory. Oxytocin. As women, we emit a lot more oxytocin than men. Oxytocin is a hormone women produce when they’re falling in love, having sex, or breastfeeding. It feels so amazing that for some of us, in this case, lesbians, we can’t get enough.
So that would explain this LGBTQ+ stereotypical joke:
What do gay men bring on a second date?
What second date?
Charlotte & Natalie (Our Taste For Life)
(Q) What advice do you have for somebody who might be in a toxic lesbian relationship?
Of course, all relationships have their fair share of tough times. But that doesn’t mean that all of them are worth saving. If you think that you are in a toxic relationship of any kind, for example, if they are abusing you mentally or physically, then you need to seriously think about your future with this person. Nobody is perfect, but if you’ve asked your partner to stop their toxic behaviour and they continue, it’s time to say goodbye. It won’t be easy. But remember, those who genuinely love and respect you will show you with every inch of their being.
I’m going to open up about something that I don’t usually like talking about now because honestly, I feel quite ashamed. But I hope by sharing my story, it can help gain some perspective on the topic in hand. So here goes. When Natalie and I first got together, I’d not long been out of a toxic relationship with my ex. I didn’t know at the time, but my experiences in that relationship and previous relationships had a significant impact on me. And as the honeymoon period of mine and Natalie’s relationship passed, the cracks started to show.
I found it very hard to trust Natalie fully, which lead to feelings of paranoia, jealousy, and possessiveness. It wasn’t fair, but I was punishing Natalie for what I’d endured in my previous relationships. Not only that, I didn’t feel deserving of her, which only made by behaviour worse. For the most part, I was a great girlfriend, but this side of things saw our relationship suffer.
Thankfully, Natalie was extremely understanding and patient. But she made it very clear that she wouldn’t tolerate such behaviour from me. Basically, I had to sort my shit out if we were going to work in the long term. And out of fear of losing her, I made it my priority. I did the work and dealt with the demons of my past, not only to ensure I could be the best person for her, but for myself.
So you see, we all have demons in our closet. And it’s natural for you to take things out on the people closest to you. But if your partner isn’t willing to confront their demons and tackle their toxic behaviour, then you have to love yourself enough to walk away.
If you’d like to see more lesbian relationship stuff from us, follow us on Instagram: @ourtasteforlife.
Tash & Marthe (Breaking the Distance)
(Q) There’s a scary term known as lesbian bed death (LBD), that refers to a lack of intimacy between some long-term lesbian couples. Do you have any lesbian relationship advice for avoiding the dreaded LBD, and what are your top tips for keeping the spark alive?
(A) We have definitely had many conversations about avoiding the dreaded LBD. Tash and I have very different sex drives, as is the case for most couples. For me, it was important to learn that a healthy sex life doesn’t mean you have to do it a minimum of 3 times a week. It may be that one week we have a lot of sex and the weeks after hardly any. Every couple is different, but here are some tips that might help you to keep the spark alive.
- Talk! Not talking about not having sex is the worst, because you are probably both aware of it. Discuss it with an open mind. Try not to blame the other person. Talk about why it might be happening. Are you both very busy and tired? Is someone not feeling that horny? What are your needs? When talking, you can create a safe space and think of solutions that fit you both.
- Make time for each other. An evening watching lesbian shows on Netflix is fun, but you don’t have to do this every night. Go to bed earlier when you still feel awake. You can start by massaging your partner, but don’t put to much pressure on it, if it doesn’t result in sex that is also fine. Sometimes the intimacy of being present with each other is enough.
- Do it during the day. Sex doesn’t always have to happen at night or in the morning. Sometimes a little break in the day is perfect. Surprise your partner by going down on them or let them walk in on you naked.
- Create sexy moments! Especially in these times when it is lovely to stay in your comfy clothes all day. Make an effort, put on some sexy lingerie, create an atmosphere with some candles and music. Also, complimenting your partner and making them feel sexy can really set the mood.
- Get naughty. In a long-term relationship, you know what you like, and what your partner likes. Maybe it is time to spice things up. You can do role-play, watch porn, listen to a sexy audio story, or invest in a new sex toy. There are so many options available.
Jess and Ang (Two Babes One Barn)
(Q) Do you have any advice for couples experiencing shifts in their relationship? How do you grow together instead of growing apart?
(A) As a couple who has been together for 7+ years, we have experienced plenty of shifts in our relationship. We met when we were very young, but our goal was always to grow together- not apart. Are we the same people who met seven years ago? No. Do we love each other any less? Absolutely not.
The key to growing together is communication. A couple of months ago, Ang came out as Trans non-binary (pronouns: she/her, they/them.) When Ang first came out to me- my first reaction was to support her because I knew it took a lot of courage and bravery to say those words out loud. For your partner to be able to communicate openly and unfiltered, they need to know that the space is safe and free of judgement.
For the partner receiving the information: your job is to listen, analyse your feelings and offer only what you’re capable of at that moment. Sometimes the information can be confusing or hurtful – but it’s your job as a partner and a lover to communicate your feelings as well. A relationship is two-sided; there will always be two different feelings and opinions regarding the shift in your relationship. Find the middle ground, and once you’ve found it, you can work together to take the necessary steps forward.
We also have multiple conversations about the same topic. Time can change a lot of things, so circling back around to make sure they still feel the same way about it since you last talked about it is key. When you love someone so much, you will always find a way to communicate through it. Talking about the issue might be hard, but it’s necessary. Don’t sweep it under the rug because it always does more damage than facing the situation head-on. In the end, love will conquer all.
Chris and Alex (Burrito and Tortilla)
(Q) In your opinion, what is a healthy approach when handling disagreements in a lesbian relationship?
(A) No matter how blissful your relationship is, it’s inevitable that you’ll have disagreements or hit argumentative bumps in the road, especially if you spend most of your time together (like we do). In our opinion, a healthy approach to handling disagreements in a relationship is an approach that makes both parties feel heard and validated.
Communication is key, and we put a lot of effort into understanding that we don’t get to have a say in how our words or actions made someone feel – even if it wasn’t our intention, and that we have to take accountability for it. We never want to drag things out, so we try to have a conversation soon after realising there is a problem. We both get to share our side of the story uninterrupted, listen to the other’s perspective, and then discuss what we could do to remedy the situation in the present moment, and also what we could do to prevent it from happening again in the future.
What’s really worked for us in resolving a particularly heated conflict or disagreement is to process our feelings apart for a short period of time and then come back together to present our thoughts. Allowing some distance and space after a charged argument will enable you to come back calmer, and with level-headed thoughts to better articulate how you feel and what you have to say. You will both also be in a better headspace to ingest the information, come to a resolution, and grow from it! We often feel closer to one another and like we have a better understanding of each other as individuals.
Emma and Dallas
(Q) As somebody who has experienced the anguish of disapproving parents, what advice would you give to a lesbian couple who are experiencing the same thing?
(A) First, I want to say that I’m so sorry. I know how painful it is to feel abandoned or unsupported by the people who are supposed to love you the most. But if I could offer any advice, it would be this:
– Sometimes, to get grace, you have to give grace. It probably took you years to come to terms with your sexuality, so allow your family time to dismantle and unlearn their own beliefs, too. It may not be quick or painless, but if your family is committed to meeting you halfway, it may be worth it.
– At the same time, know when enough is enough. Some family members may never come around, so be careful and guard your heart. Keeping these relationships around may only continue to harm you.
– Find a support system. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support you and love you wholeheartedly, with no reservations. These people will be your saving grace when you feel broken down and confused and alone, and they’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
– Most of important of all, know that you are loved. Know that your journey will not be a linear one, and you’re going to hear a lot of hurtful and ignorant comments from not just your own family, but the rest of the world too. But know that no matter what you hear, this life is yours and yours alone. You are allowed to disappoint people. You are allowed to make other people uncomfortable. This life is not a dress rehearsal. You only get one, and it’s your responsibility to live it as authentically and fully as you can!
Charlotte & Natalie (Our Taste For Life)
(Q) What advice do you have for a lesbian couple who may be struggling with their relationship?
There are many reasons why a relationship may be struggling; therefore, it’s important to identify what is causing stress and tension. Is there added pressure on your relationship recently? Have you or your partner been acting distant? Or is there something more toxic going on?
Recognising the route cause, whether that be alone or together, is the first step. The next step is to talk it through and understand what you both want the outcome to be. If you’re both committed to making the relationship work, then you’re already halfway over the hurdle, and you should be proud. Choosing to love somebody even when times get tough isn’t always easy.
Now comes the hard part. The problem is, when relationships are struggling, we usually end up hurting each other in one way or another. So now you have to be able to forgive your partner and put any animosity behind you. It’s no use dragging up the past every time you disagree, so once you’ve agreed to put it in the past, leave it in the past.
Next comes compromise. Do your drinking habits annoy your partner? Do you stay out late and not call them to let you know where you are? Are they left cleaning up after you? If there’s something your partner feels could improve your relationship and vice versa, then consider putting some boundaries in place. Not only will it promote a sense of security, but it lets your partner know that you respect their wishes.
Once you’ve identified your problems and put some boundaries in place, all that’s left to do is invest time in one another. Plan some exciting date nights, make time for each other, and remember all the reasons why you are together in the first place. I can promise you that if you do that, you will come out the other side stronger and more in love than ever.
If you’d like to see more lesbian relationship stuff from us, follow us on Instagram: @ourtasteforlife.
Georgia and Lauren (Two Souls Roaming)
(Q) What are some of your favourite romantic date ideas?
(A) Interestingly, when asked this question, I had a hard time associating ‘romantic’ with our relationship. You often see eccentric displays of romance plastered across social media, and I guess my thoughts of what romance is has been warped by what you see online. However, I asked Lauren what she felt on the matter and soon came to realise that our displays of romance are far more “old fashioned.”
Our idea of romance mainly stems back to one thing: Quality Time.
We’ve spent our time together post-lockdown in very different ways to how we did prior, as time for us is so valuable after being apart for so long. We’ve camped multiple times, stayed in the most charming local lodges and spent hours playing card tournaments (religiously keeping track of who’s winning because there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition!)
Perhaps many people wouldn’t find camping ‘romantic’ as such. Still, there’s something wonderful about snuggling tightly at night to keep each other warm, waking up to the sound of nature, getting out our little stove for coffee and pancakes and spending hours setting the world to rights over cards and a cheeky beer (or two!).
We have learnt to put our phones down. No mindless scrolling, no snapping, no commenting, just being present. Yes, we take photos to remember the occasion, but this takes up about 5% of our time, and I love to create photo books and print out our photographs to keep as memories forever.
So, if you were to ask us for some lesbian relationship advice when it comes to date nights? We would tell you to strip things back to basics. No screens, no social media, and simply devote your time to one another.
Gabi and Shanna (27 Travels)
(Q) Do have any advice for lesbian couples looking to go into business together?
In addition to having a travel blog together (27 Travels), and travelling the world together, we also own our own production company that we just started this year called Industry 27! Shanna is a professional Videographer, and Gabi is a Photographer and Artist. We kind of fell into business together because of the things we’re passionate about. And it has been so awesome to get to work together and run a business together! So we definitely have some tips for if you and your partner are starting a business together.
Going into business with your partner is super rewarding, but also has its challenges. When you work with your significant other, there are always going to be things that you will not agree on. The most important thing when working together is to understand that you will not always be on the same page, and that’s okay! It’s all about healthy communication and respect for each other. Working with your significant other is also different, and you have to be understanding of what your partner needs out of their workday, even though it might be different from what you need. Having an understanding and respect for their needs will keep you both feeling happy, productive, and able to meet any deadline you may have.
Another thing you always have to be aware of is your boundaries in business. As your business grows and adapts, this is going to change. Boundaries are so important. You need to be able to take breaks and have things in your relationship that are not work-related! It’s all about still making time for each other and not taking it out on one another when one of you, or both of you have had a hard day at work. There are so many things that are honestly so rewarding about working with each other. You get to experience a different side of your partner, celebrate more victories together, and experience new things!
Charlotte & Natalie (Our Taste For Life)
(Q) What are your top 10 tips for a healthy lesbian relationship?
- Always be upfront and honest.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Remember, the three roles in your relationship: You, Me, and We.
- Allow your partner space to be themselves.
- Prioritise date nights and intimate time (sex, massage, cuddles).
- Communicate & Listen.
- Discuss how you wish to handle disagreements before they happen.
- Work on being the best version of yourself.
- Encourage each other to stay healthy in body and mind.
- Never let a day go by without telling your partner how much they mean to you.
If you’d like to see more lesbian relationship stuff from us, follow us on Instagram: @ourtasteforlife.
More Like This
Well that concludes our article on Lesbian Relationship Advice. We hope you found the information helpful in some way. If there’s anything you think we have missed or you have a question we haven’t answered, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can contact us in the comment section below or through our contact us page.
We’d also like to say a huge thank you to all the amazing lesbian couples who contributed to the article. Please do check all of them out through their relevant channels and I’m certain you will find value in their content.
Finally, If you enjoyed this article, you may be also be interested in the following:
- The Best Lesbian Movies & Shows on Netflix
- 50 Lesbian Instagram Accounts you Need to Be Following Right Now
- The Best Lesbian Love Quotes & Sayings
- The 33 Best Lesbian Movie Scenes of All Time
- The Different Types of Lesbians and Lesbian Terms
- LGBTQ+ Travel Guides
Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram here, where we share more lesbian and couple content.
Sending so much love,
Charlotte & Natalie x
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