Looking for some lesbian relationship advice to help strengthen your relationship? You’ve come to the right place. In this article, we share the secrets of 12 lesbian couples and how they maintain a strong and healthy lesbian relationship.
If I had a dollar for each time somebody said to me “it must be so much easier being a lesbian than it is to date men”, I would be a wealthy woman.
The truth is, lesbian relationships require work just like any other couple. And the best lesbian relationships, like all things worth having in life, don’t come easy.
You often see relationships compared to plants, and there is a lot of sense in that. If you don’t prioritise nurturing your relationship, it will die. Whereas, if you’re committed to investing your time and energy into it, you can expect to reap the awards.
Natalie and I have been together for almost 7 years, and it’s been a roller-coaster journey to get to where we are today. We’ve survived a long-distance relationship. We’ve endured both extreme highs and extreme lows. At times we’ve even come close to breaking completely.
But it’s working through these challenging times that has ultimately made us stronger than ever. And here we want to share what we’ve learnt so that you too, can heighten and solidify your relationship.
So let’s get to it. Here’s the invaluable lesbian relationship advice of 13 lesbian couples.
Lesbian Relationship Advice – The Secrets of 12 Inspiring Couples
Disclaimer: The purpose of this article is to help couples make positive changes in their relationship based on the experiences of other couples. Please note that I am not a licensed relationship therapist, and my services do not replace the care of healthcare professionals.
Couple #1 – Kirstie and Christine
(Q) It has to be said, you two are lesbian couple goals! What is your secret recipe for maintaining a happy and healthy lesbian relationship?
(A) We have five special ingredients to our happy & healthy relationship: communication, adventure, trust, support, and of course, our neediness for each other.
1. Communication is key. We need to be able to speak our feelings and mutually understand where the other is coming from. We may not always be right, but we can trust each other to listen, be receptive and compromise. This allows us to be our truest & most vulnerable selves with one another.
2. Adventure is a must! We obviously travel a ton, but we can have an adventure anywhere. We both love an adrenaline rush and like to keep our dates exciting and new. This can be as easy as visiting a new country or trying a new hobby together. Skydiving, anyone?
3. Trust allows us to be vulnerable and believe that the other has their best intentions at heart. It creates a safe zone for us that we can’t recreate that with anyone else.
4. Support. We both live, work, and travel together. It is essential to us that we keep each other motivated, lift each other on bad days, and fuel the passion for us as a team.
5. Neediness. We literally don’t like being without each other… EVER (hence how we put up with each other 24/7). We keep the neediness for each other strong by constantly working on points 1-4!
Couple #2 – Charlotte & Natalie
(Q) What advice do you have for somebody who might be in a toxic lesbian relationship?
(A) All relationships have their fair share of tough times. But that doesn’t mean that all of them are worth saving. Suppose you are in a toxic relationship of any kind. For example, if your partner is abusing you mentally or physically, you need to think about your future with this person.
Nobody is perfect, but if you’ve asked your partner to stop their toxic behaviour and they continue, it’s time to say goodbye. It won’t be easy. But remember, those who genuinely love and respect you will show you with every inch of their being.
I’m going to open up about something now that usually, I don’t particularly like talking about. But I hope that sharing my story can help you gain some perspective on the topic at hand. So here goes.
When Natalie and I first got together, I’d not long been out of a toxic relationship with my ex. I didn’t know at the time, but my experiences in that relationship and previous relationships significantly impacted me. And as the honeymoon period of my and Natalie’s relationship passed, the cracks started to show.
I found it very hard to trust Natalie fully, leading to paranoia, jealousy, and possessiveness. It wasn’t fair, but I was punishing Natalie for what I’d endured in my previous relationships. Not only that, I didn’t feel deserving of her, which only made my behaviour worse.
For the most part, I was a great girlfriend, but this side of things saw our relationship suffer. Thankfully, Natalie was extremely understanding and patient. But she made it very clear that she wouldn’t tolerate such behaviour from me.
Basically, I had to sort my shit out if we would work long term. And out of fear of losing her, I made it my priority. I did the work and dealt with the demons of my past, not only to ensure I could be the best person for her but for myself.
So you see, we all have demons in our closets. And it’s natural for you to take things out on the people closest to you. But if your partner isn’t willing to confront their demons and tackle their toxic behaviour, then you have to love yourself enough to walk away.
Couple #3 – Jess and Ang
(Q) Do you have any advice for couples experiencing shifts in their relationship? How do you grow together instead of growing apart?
(A) As a couple who has been together for 7+ years, we have experienced plenty of shifts in our relationship. We met when we were very young, but our goal was always to grow together- not apart. Are we the same people who met seven years ago? No. Do we love each other any less? Absolutely not.
The key to growing together is communication. A couple of months ago, Ang came out as Trans non-binary (pronouns: she/her, they/them.) When Ang first came out to me- my first reaction was to support her because I knew it took a lot of courage and bravery to say those words out loud. For your partner to be able to communicate openly and unfiltered, they need to know that the space is safe and free of judgement.
For the partner receiving the information: your job is to listen, analyse your feelings and offer only what you’re capable of at that moment. Sometimes the information can be confusing or hurtful – but it’s your job as a partner and a lover to communicate your feelings as well.
A relationship is two-sided; there will always be two different feelings and opinions regarding the shift in your relationship. Find the middle ground, and once you’ve found it, you can work together to take the necessary steps forward.
We also have multiple conversations about the same topic. Time can change a lot of things, so circling back around to make sure they still feel the same way about it since you last talked about it is key.
When you love someone so much, you will always find a way to communicate through it. Talking about the issue might be hard, but it’s necessary. Don’t sweep it under the rug because it always does more damage than facing the situation head-on. In the end, love will conquer all.
Couple #4 – Chris and Alex
(Q) In your opinion, what is a healthy approach when handling disagreements in a lesbian relationship?
(A) No matter how blissful your relationship is, it’s inevitable that you’ll have disagreements or hit argumentative bumps in the road – especially if you spend most of your time together (like we do).
In our opinion, a healthy approach to handling disagreements in a relationship is an approach that makes both parties feel heard and validated.
Communication is key. We put a lot of effort into understanding that we don’t get to say how our words or actions make someone feel. Even if it wasn’t our intention, we have to take accountability for it.
We never want to drag things out, so we try to have a conversation soon after realising there is a problem. We will share our side of the story uninterrupted, listen to the other’s perspective, and then discuss how to remedy the situation. We will also develop a plan to help avoid similar scenarios in the future.
What’s worked for us in resolving a particularly heated conflict or disagreement is to process our feelings apart for a short period and then come back together to talk it out.
Allowing some distance and space after a charged argument will enable you to come back calmer and with level-headed thoughts to better articulate how you feel and what you have to say. You will both be in a better headspace to ingest the information, come to a resolution, and grow from it!
Couple #5 – Cara and Cara
(Q) What relationship advice would you give to a lesbian couple wanting to start a family?
(A) Cara C: Genetics doesn’t make a family; love does. Love is what a child craves; what a child needs. The best advice I can give to a lesbian couple that’s wanting to start a family is not to get caught up in the genetics of everything. Don’t concern yourselves with worries about the egg coming from you, or having your exact DNA as part of the makeup for your child.
Regardless of who carries, your child is just that… YOUR CHILD. No matter what, no matter the DNA, no matter if you are the biological mother or the support system for your partner. You will love, cherish, adore and be so incredibly thankful for your new family that genetics will not even play a factor in the grand scheme of things. Like I said in the beginning, love makes a family. Love is the only component that matters, and you will have that in abundance!
A) Cara W: My advice would be don’t be too hard on yourself. Starting a family is a new chapter for you and your partner. It’s not always going to be easy, and it can’t all be precious moments, hugs and kisses. There will be times when you have little sleep, times when you are struggling, and times when you feel like you are failing as a parent.
Just remember, we as parents, have ALL been there!! You are not alone in this process, and we can all understand those stressful parenting moments. Just know that you will absolutely get through any tough points. And those trying times are what makes you stronger for your partner, stronger for your child, and stronger as an individual.
Parenting isn’t easy, but it is the most important, rewarding, incredible experience you will ever have in life. So relax. And embrace every moment of this exciting journey.
If you want to learn more about Cara and Cara, follow them on Instagram: @caras_atl.
Couple #6 – Steph and Kaitlin
(Q) What relationship advice would you give to a lesbian couple thinking about marriage? How did you know that you were ready to take your relationship to the next level?
(A) We always knew that we wanted to get married one day, and it was something we talked about during the early years of our relationship. We both have always felt strongly about exercising our right to become legal spouses because not all queer people are fortunate enough even to have the option.
We are so grateful to be from Canada where same-sex marriage has been legal nationwide since 2005, and it was important to us to celebrate our right to marry. We got married after we had already been in a relationship for five years, and it just felt right. We had already moved across the country and built a life together, so it was a natural step forward that we both felt ready for.
Our advice for lesbian couples who are thinking about marriage would be to hold your love for one another close to your hearts, and always remember that you deserve to become legal partners and spouses. Not everyone will accept your union, but it is equal. Same-sex marriage is still new, and the wedding industry is very heteronormative, and so you may need to get used to asserting yourselves as two brides.
We recommend having LGBTQ+ friendly vendors and inclusive businesses involved in your wedding planning! However you decide to plan your wedding and whatever marriage means to you, is valid. You’re allowed to write your own rules, and that’s one of the best parts of marrying the person you love.
Couple #7 – Tash & Marthe
(Q) There’s a scary term known as lesbian bed death (LBD), that refers to a lack of intimacy between some long-term lesbian couples. Do you have any lesbian relationship advice for avoiding the dreaded LBD, and what are your top tips for keeping the spark alive?
(A) We have definitely had many conversations about avoiding the dreaded LBD. Tash and I have very different $ex drives, as is the case for most couples.
For me, it was important to learn that a healthy $ex life doesn’t mean you have to do it a minimum of 3 times a week. It may be that one week we have a lot of $ex and the weeks after hardly any. Every couple is different, but here are some tips that might help you to keep the spark alive.
1. Talk! Not talking about not having $ex is the worst, because you are probably both aware of it. Discuss it with an open mind. Try not to blame the other person. Talk about why it might be happening. Are you both very busy and tired? Is someone not feeling that horny? What are your needs? When talking, you can create a safe space and think of solutions that fit you both.
2. Make time for each other. An evening watching lesbian shows on Netflix is fun, but you don’t have to do this every night. Go to bed earlier when you still feel awake. You can start by massaging your partner, but don’t put to much pressure on it. If it doesn’t result in $ex that is also fine. Sometimes the intimacy of being present with each other is enough.
3. Do it during the day. $ex doesn’t always have to happen at night or in the morning. Sometimes a little break in the day is perfect. Surprise your partner by going down on them or let them walk in on you naked.
4. Create $exy moments! Especially in these times when it is lovely to stay in your comfy clothes all day. Make an effort, put on some $exy lingerie, create an atmosphere with some candles and love songs. Also, complimenting your partner and making them feel $exy can really set the mood.
5. Get naughty. In a long-term relationship, you know what you like, and what your partner likes. Maybe it is time to spice things up. You can do role-play, watch a lesbian movie, listen to a $exy audio story, or invest in a new $ex toy. There are so many options available.
Couple #8 – Laura & Marine
(Q) What do you love most about being in a lesbian relationship?
(A) One of our favourite things about our relationship is that it all started with a solid friendship before anything ‘romantic’ happened. We had a great connection as soon as we met. And when we realised that we were, in fact, in love with each other, that bond only grew stronger.
We like to say that we are definitely not just girlfriends, but best friends above anything. So our relationship is like having fun with your best friend, 24/7. We have heard similar stories from other lesbian couples, so we think this is one of the best parts about being in a lesbian relationship.
We connect so deeply with each other, and we love that we don’t have to worry about any judgements. We also find it easy to talk about our feelings. We can open up to each other, even about things that don’t concern our relationship.
Sometimes we have moments where we ask each other: “okay, can I talk to my best friend about something? Girlfriend leave for a minute“. It’s silly, but we love it, and it just shows that we can talk to each other about anything, just like best friends.
Another thing we love about being in a lesbian relationship is how much comfort we find being in the presence of another woman. Everything seems familiar, and it’s so comforting to be able to relate to each other’s body, whilst appreciating our differences.
Being in a lesbian relationship has allowed us to connect deeper with our own bodies and feel so much better in our own skin. There is less “social pressure” to have the perfect body since we both are under that same pressure.
We love each other’s bodies just the way they are, and we make sure we help each other feel more and more comfortable with their appearance, which helps a lot with our self-esteem in general. So you see, there are many perks to being in a lesbian relationship. The ones I’ve mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg.
Couple #9 – Georgia and Lauren
(Q) What are some of your favourite romantic date ideas?
(A) Our idea of romance mainly stems back to one thing: Quality Time.
Some of our favourite dates include camping, going on charming staycations, and spending countless hours playing card tournaments. Naturally, we religiously keep track of who’s winning because there’s nothing wrong with healthy competition!)
Perhaps many people wouldn’t find camping ‘romantic’ as such. Still, there’s something wonderful about snuggling tightly at night to keep each other warm, waking up to the sound of nature, getting out our little stove for coffee and pancakes and spending hours setting the world to rights over cards and a cheeky beer (or two!).
We have learnt to put our phones down. No mindless scrolling, no snapping, no commenting, just being present. Yes, we take photos to remember the occasion, but this takes up about 5% of our time, and I love to create photo books and print out our photographs to keep as memories forever.
So, if you were to ask us for some lesbian relationship advice when it comes to date nights? We would tell you to strip things back to basics. No screens, no social media, and simply devote your time to one another.
Couple #10 – Steff and Ells
(Q) Some say that lesbian relationships move really fast. Is the “U-haul” joke true, and what are your thoughts on it?
(A) Ah, that good old joke: What do lesbians bring on a second date? A U-Haul van of course.
It doesn’t just stop there, though. Oh, no. Lesbians then have their life mapped out by the third date. And It’s not unheard of to get engaged within six months of being together. That’s perfectly normal in our realm and equivalent to six years in heterosexual relationships.
Then before you know it, we’re celebrating our one-year-anniversaries at the IVF clinic. Of course, this is a massive lesbian stereotype, but again, not unheard of.
There are many stereotypes within the LGBTQ+ community, and this is most definitely one of those that we struggle to disprove. For Steff and me, our U-Haul was more a one-way ticket out of the UK to travel the world together forever, which, trust me, is a commitment of its own.
From my own experience, I have U-hauled, and I have seen lots of other lesbian couples U-Haul – but not all lesbian couples have the urge to merge. If you’re not ready to move in with your other half just yet, it doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed. In fact, you’re probably more level headed than most of us.
For those that do, though, I have a simple theory. Oxytocin. Oxytocin is a hormone women produce when falling in love, having $ex, or breastfeeding. As women, we emit a lot more oxytocin than men.
It feels so amazing that for some of us, in this case, lesbians, we just can’t get enough.
Couple #11 – Emma and Dallas
(Q) As somebody who has experienced the anguish of disapproving parents, what advice would you give to a lesbian couple who are experiencing the same thing?
(A) First, I want to say that I’m so sorry. I know how painful it is to feel abandoned or unsupported by the people who are supposed to love you the most. But if I could offer any advice, it would be this:
- Sometimes, to get grace, you have to give grace. It probably took you years to come to terms with your sexuality, so allow your family time to dismantle and unlearn their own beliefs, too. It may not be quick or painless, but if your family is committed to meeting you halfway, it may be worth it.
- At the same time, know when enough is enough. Some family members may never come around, so be careful and guard your heart. Keeping these relationships around may only continue to harm you.
- Find a support system. Surround yourself with friends and loved ones who support you and love you wholeheartedly, with no reservations. These people will be your saving grace when you feel broken down and confused and alone, and they’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
- Most of important of all, know that you are loved. Know that your journey will not be a linear one, and you’re going to hear a lot of hurtful and ignorant comments from not just your own family, but the rest of the world too.
But know that no matter what you hear, this life is yours and yours alone. You are allowed to disappoint people. You are allowed to make other people uncomfortable. This life is not a dress rehearsal. You only get one, and it’s your responsibility to live it as authentically and fully as you can!
Couple #12 – Gabi and Shanna
(Q) Do have any advice for lesbian couples looking to go into business together?
While going into business with your partner can be super fun and rewarding, naturally, it also has its challenges. When you work with your significant other, there will always be things that you will not agree upon. So our first piece of advice is to accept that you won’t always be on the same page, and that’s okay!
It takes healthy communication and respect for each other to ensure you both feel happy and fulfilled. You must understand that your work ethic may differ from your partners, so what you expect from a workday may not be the same as your partners’ expectations. But having a clear idea of who will take care of individual tasks will help ensure you meet those deadlines.
Another thing you have to be aware of is boundaries. As your business grows and adapts, you’ll have to have boundaries in place that separate your intimate relationship from your business relationship. The lines easily blur, but I can’t stress this point enough.
You need to know when to shut off from business talk and make time for things in your relationship that are not work-related! You don’t want to lose the spark in your relationship by constantly talking about work or letting the stress of your workday roll into your quality time together.
So long as you share the same passions and aspirations, the good outweighs the bad when working with your significant other. You get to experience a different side of your partner, celebrate more victories together, and experience new things!
Charlotte & Natalie
(Q) What advice do you have for a lesbian couple who may be struggling with their relationship?
There are many reasons why a relationship may be struggling; therefore, it’s important to identify what is causing stress and tension. Is there added pressure on your relationship recently? Have you or your partner been acting distant? Or is there something more toxic going on?
Recognising the root cause, whether that be alone or together, is the first step. The next step is to talk it through and understand what you both want the outcome to be. If you’re both committed to making the relationship work, then you’re already halfway over the hurdle, and you should be proud. Choosing to love somebody even when times get tough isn’t always easy.
Now comes the hard part. The problem is, when relationships are struggling, we usually end up hurting each other in one way or another. So now you have to be able to forgive your partner and put any animosity behind you. It’s no use dragging up the past every time you disagree, so once you’ve agreed to put it in the past, leave it in the past.
Next comes compromise. Do your drinking habits annoy your partner? Do you stay out late and not call them to let you know where you are? Are they left cleaning up after you? If there’s something your partner feels could improve your relationship and vice versa, then consider putting some boundaries in place. Not only will it promote a sense of security, but it lets your partner know that you respect their wishes.
Once you’ve identified your problems and put some boundaries in place, all that’s left to do is invest time in one another. Plan some exciting date nights, make time for each other, and remember all the reasons why you are together in the first place. I can promise you that if you do that, you will come out the other side stronger and more in love than ever.
Charlotte & Natalie
(Q) What are your top 10 tips for a healthy lesbian relationship?
- Always be upfront and honest.
- Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
- Remember, the three roles in your relationship: You, Me, and We.
- Allow your partner space to be themselves.
- Prioritise date nights and intimate time ($ex, massage, cuddles).
- Communicate & Listen.
- Discuss how you wish to handle disagreements before they happen.
- Work on being the best version of yourself.
- Encourage each other to stay healthy in body and mind.
- Never let a day go by without telling your partner how much they mean to you.
Do You Have Any Lesbian Relationship Advice?
Well that concludes our article on Lesbian Relationship Advice. We hope you found the information helpful in some way.
If there’s anything you think we have missed or you have a question we haven’t answered, please don’t hesitate to reach out. You can contact us in the comment section below or through our contact us page.
We’d also like to say a huge thank you to all the amazing lesbian couples who contributed to the article. Please do check all of them out through their relevant channels and I’m certain you will find value in their content.
Finally, If you enjoyed this article, you may also be interested in the following:
- Lesbian Dating Advice – A Fool-Proof Guide to Lesbian Dating
- The Best Lesbian Wedding Ring (& Engagement Ring) Shopping Guide
- The Best Lesbian Love Quotes & Sayings
- 15 Lesbian Couple Goals for a Happy & Healthy Lesbian Relationship
- Long-Distance Lesbian Relationships – How to Survive the Distance
Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram here, where we share more lesbian and couple content.
Sending so much love,
Charlotte & Natalie x
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