Lesbian Sex Tips For Your First Time (by a Lesbian Sexpert)

first time lesbian sex tips

Having lesbian sex for the first time is an exciting prospect. It’s an experience you’ve already fantasised about a million times in your head. And you probably expect it to be this explosive and perfect encounter that will ingrain in your memory forevermore. Well, I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but more often than not, your first time is going to be a clumsy and awkward affair. Which will possibly leave one or more of you wondering whether you even had sex at all.  

And guess what. That’s perfectly ok! Sex is complicated. Lesbian sex is especially complicated. While you have the advantage of being a woman yourself, it doesn’t automatically turn you into a lesbian sex goddess. All of us are different. We have different wants, needs and desires. So what might work for you may be a complete turn off for your potential partner. That doesn’t mean you aren’t compatible; It just means you need to take time to learn about one another – both in body and in mind. And that my friend is the fun part.

So while all first-time sexual encounters are going to be different, it won’t do you any harm to be armed with a few pointers to help get you started. Therefore, we asked our very own lesbian sexpert and good friend Karyn Zibits to help us put together this article. Zibs is a huge advocate for female sexuality, and we are honoured that she’s here to share her infinite sexual knowledge with us.

So let’s get to it, here are some valuable lesbian sex tips for your first time by Lesbian Sexpert Karyn Zibits.

Lesbian Sex Tips For Your First Time

First things first. Let’s take a minute to celebrate that you are doing some research on what I hope you know is a once in a lifetime event of mind-blowing proportion! You are already way ahead of the curve when it comes to first-time lesbian sexual experiences. Because by the end of this article, you will be armed with a thorough guide to the cis-female vagina, some facts about female erogenous zones, and the 11 (yes I said 11) different types of orgasms females can achieve. Not to mention some of the steps you can take to help create the best first-time experience possible for you and your partner. 

That being said, I’m going to have to be honest here and tell you that every woman is unique. Meaning that every sexual experience is unique at a time when our hearts and parts are running much more of the show than our cognitive brain. However, with your natural intuition, the knowledge you will have about your own body (the home field advantage 😊) and your subconscious armed with my advice, I hope you can relax and enjoy the experience. 

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First Time Lesbian Sex Tips for BEFORE

Ok, so while practice makes perfect, some of the best preparation you can do for your first time is done way before the deed even happens. You wouldn’t walk into an exam or a job interview completely unaware of what you were getting yourself into. So why do it with sex?  Fail to prepare, prepare to fail.

Vulva, Vagina and Clitoris 101:   

Any successful lesbian sexual encounter is going to involve some form of contact with the female anatomy. Therefore, having some understanding of what’s going on down there will be to your advantage. You might be surprised at how little we know about our own vulvas and vaginas. And believe it or not, we are still today discovering new things about the female sexual anatomy and what it is capable of.  

Because over half of the population has one, I think we take for granted just how complex they are. So, let’s start with some important information that will empower you to know more about your own and your partners’ bodies. Win, win! 

The Vagina:  The entire area “down there” is not actually called the vagina. Even though that is usually the go-to term for everything around a female’s genitalia. The vagina is the 3-6 inch stretchy canal which runs from the uterus to your vaginal entrance in the vulva. Located between the urethra and the anus, the vagina is where females have sexual intercourse. Not only that, it’s where we push out babies from.  Impressive, I know.

As you can imagine, the vagina is highly elasticated. It will expand and contract and become lubricated with sexual arousal and also contains multiple erogenous zones. These include the G-Spot, A-Spot and O-Spot discussed in more detail in the erogenous zone section coming up! 

The Vulva: The vulva, on the other hand, is everything on the outside of the female genitalia. We most commonly refer to this area as “the pussy” or various other creative names. The vulva includes the pubic mound, the ever-famous clitoris (for a good reason we will get to in a minute), the outer and inner “lips”, and the perineum.

Source: helloclue.com

Labia Majora/Minora: Labia Majora is the scientific term to describe your pussy lips. You know, those spongy folds that enclose the highly sensitive area between your legs. Within the labia majora, you have your labia minor, which I would describe as two thin slack folds of skin. But they serve an important purpose as they protect everything you have going on down there. It’s important to note that the appearance of the labia minora differs from woman to woman, so don’t be surprised if you find your partners to be wildly different to your own.

The Perineum: The Perineum is that small and sensitive area between the vaginal opening and the anus. This area shares nerves from your vagina pelvic floor muscles and your anal canal and can be an erogenous zone for some.

The Clitoris:  The clitoris is often the most misunderstood part of the female genitalia, despite its crucial role in sexual arousal and achieving orgasms. The external part of the clitoris is about a pea in size and located above the urethra under a small area of protection called the clitoral hood. This part of the clitoris is an extremely sensitive erogenous zone with twice as many nerve endings as the penis. (6000 – 8000 nerve endings to be exact).

The large majority of the clitoris, however, is made up of the clitoral body, which is internal and not visible. The clitoral body starts at your pubic bone and splits in half to form two vestibular bulbs and looks somewhat like a wishbone. These bulbs contain erectile tissue that swells with arousal.  

It’s all a very complicated and bewildering process, but don’t get too caught up in the science. The area you want to familiarise yourself with when preparing for your first lesbian experience is the external clitoris. That’s because a large majority of women cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Most women are much more likely to reach orgasm through stimulation of the clit, therefore knowing how to locate and stimulate it will earn you serious brownie points with your partner.

First time lesbian sex tips
3D Model of the Clitoris – Photograph: Company handout

The G-Spot:  One of the most common internal orgasms a female will experience is through stimulation of the g-spot. Located approximately 2 inches inside the vaginal wall towards the belly button, the g-spot feels like a round ridged area, and is easily accessible using your fingers only. You should even be able to locate your own should you want to try before you buy. The g-spot makes for quite an intense orgasm, and can even lead to making your partner ejaculate/squirt.

Erogenous Zones: 

Another worthy point to educate yourself on before getting down to business is the female erogenous zones. Taken from the Greek words “Eros” for love and “genous” for producing, these uber-sensitive zones are located all over the body. Each can stimulate sexual arousal up to and including orgasms, so they are pretty crucial when it comes to turning your partner on. 

Women tend to have more erogenous zones than men with approximately 31 possible erogenous zones. Although there is no set number per person. As mentioned previously, all women are different. So they may experience different erogenous zones at varying levels of intensity as well. 

As a guide, the five most stimulating erogenous zones for most women include the nipples, the clitoris, the G-spot, the V-Spot (lower part of the vaginal wall and opening) and the A-Spot (just below the cervix). 

Secondary sensitive erogenous zones range widely at this point. Still, some other common favourites include: The mouth, several areas of the neck, the lower stomach below the belly button, the entire pubic mound, the inner thighs, the soft bends on your inner arms and back of the knees, the anus, butt cheeks and perineum, the lower back, feet and toes (to name just a few).

Again, don’t let this overwhelming information scare you. And for the love of orgasm, please don’t try to conquer all of these erogenous zones during your first time. You will get to know your partners likes and dislikes through getting to know one another. And we will get to how you can communicate that later on.

Source: hellorory.com

Masturbation

Now you’ve got an idea of how the female genitalia works, it would be a great idea to start exploring and getting to know your own body. Even though every woman is unique, there are still some advantages to sharing physical similarities with another woman. Meaning that being confident in what you like and desire will give you a head start when it comes to pleasing your partner. 

If you’ve already started experimenting with masturbation, then that’s awesome. If you’re totally new to the act, then that’s great too. To truly understand your body and what it wants, I recommend experimenting with masturbation in all of its forms. You can start by exploring both the vulva and vagina areas with your hands, and later incorporate other devices. The obvious being the large array of today’s vibrators and toys, but you can also experiment with the ever-favourite showerhead or other household items. So long as they are sanitised and not being used by anybody else, of course.

To get yourself in the mood, you can achieve mental stimulation through books, a favourite sex scene or a mental fantasy. Porn is also great for mental sexual stimulation; however, it’s not a good way to learn about first-time lesbian sex. Like all TV shows, porn is a scripted performance with actresses. And the majority of lesbian porn is created for men and what people find visually appealing. It is rarely based on what actually happens or feels good. 

In a nutshell, masturbation is the best way to learn about the female body and its capabilities. And so long as you remain aware that your partner may like things differently, it can help ensure a pleasurable and more fulfilling first-time sexual experience for the both of you.

lesbian sex
Yes, Vaginas closely resemble some fruits. Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Grooming

Another thing you will want to get in check before your first-time lesbian experience is your personal grooming. Not always, but a basic self-care routine, can make you more attractive and appealing to your partner. I’m not here to give you a lecture on personal hygiene, as I’m sure that’s pretty straightforward. But two other important things to consider are body hair and nail maintenance.

There isn’t a preference for some women when it comes to body hair in the pubic area. However, for some, extreme differences can be a deal-breaker. Of course, you’re not to know what that is when it comes to your first time. But to play it safe, it pays to keep that area at least neat and tidy.  

To provide some statistical perspective, in 2020, lesbians and bisexuals still had the highest percentage of either completely hairless or shaved pubic areas at approximately 75% – even with the latest trends moving towards being more natural. Researchers also asked in the same survey why women made this choice. The top answers being comfort/sensitivity during oral sex, feeling more feminine, and because their partner preferred it.   

Finally, the joke about lesbians having trimmed fingernails is not actually inaccurate. Long or sharp fingernails can cause some damage in an area that delicate, so remember to keep your nails clean and trimmed. 

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Suggested Read: 40 Epic Lesbian Hairstyles

First Time Lesbian Sex Tips for DURING

Now you are as prepared as you’ll ever be for your first time lesbian encounter, here are some tips to keep in mind during the act itself. When I say keep in mind, I mean keep in the back of your mind. The worst thing you can do is overthink it. And let’s face it, you’re going to be naked with a beautiful lady, so it’s unlikely you’ll be thinking of much else other than her at this point. But having this knowledge safely tucked away in your subconscious is sure to enhance your experience.

Communication  

Arguably the most critical piece of advice I can give you when it comes to having sex is communicating with your partner. Open communication can result in a better sexual experience for all parties involved. Yet I know for many people, expressing what you need or want when it comes to sex can be scary. We fear being judged or hurting someone’s feelings. When, in fact, it can save a lot of awkwardness in the long run.

If you have some time to get to talk and flirt before sex, that’s an ideal time to share some of the things you really like or possibly really don’t like. But the likelihood is that you’ll need to be communicating in the moment. That way, you can get to know your partner’s desires through their body language and verbal communication. 

Keep in mind that this doesn’t have to sound like an interview. Instead, it can be a very sexy conversation to warm up the mood. If your partner feels comfortable enough, ask them to tell you what they’d like you to do to them. But again, this kind of talk isn’t for everybody, so don’t push the point if they don’t seem up for it.

If your partner isn’t very verbal, pay close attention to her nonverbal body language, which can also speak volumes. When someone is willing you to go faster, guiding your head like a steering wheel, pulls you in for more pressure or asks for penetration, consider these awesome helpful hints, take note and comply. Pay special attention to things that change their breathing, makes them moan, has them grab at you or the sheets, or anything else that indicates they are having fun.

At the same time, when it’s your turn to be pleasured, make sure you are communicating your wants and needs as well. If your partner is feeling nervous or embarrassed, your confidence might help to reassure them. Also, don’t be afraid to lighten the mood with a bit of fun and laughter. And finally, remember that this is your first time and you don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself. Just relax, breath and take it slow.

First time lesbian sex

Foreplay

One of the many beautiful things about sex between women is that you do not have to rush through foreplay with the distinct end goal of “having intercourse”! Instead, you can savour all things foreplay. And since this is your first time, discover what it is that arouses you both the most. You may even realise you’re one of the lucky ladies who can achieve orgasm through body parts other than the area between your legs. Yes, it is not unheard of!

Start by locating some of those secondary erogenous zones we spoke about earlier. Whatever you do, don’t jump straight in for the primary zones. You want your girl to be lubricated and turned on by the time you get to those areas. Kissing, touching, and rubbing the secondary zones is a sure-fire way to help get her there. And you’ll know when you’ve found what she likes as she’ll be begging for you to get into her pants. 

You can start with clothes on and begin to remove those slowly. Or rip them off in the heat of the moment and play the game of finding them later. Along with kissing, start with slow and sensual touches with your mouth, tongue and fingers. Explore her body entirely, making sure to spend time on those extra sensitive erogenous zones like the nipples, but that may differ from person to person. You can experiment with intensity, speed and pressure to see what they respond to and as always, pay attention to their responses and adjust. 

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Vulva Stimulation

Once things have started heating up, you might want to start taking things downstairs. And exploring your partner’s vulva area with your fingers can be a good place to start. This can also be sexy if they are still wearing their panties as it intensifies the teasing. I suggest keeping your touch soft and light first by brushing over or around the clitoris and playing with the entire vulva.

Remember, at this point, you are learning about your partner and paying attention to what they like. You can intensify and speed up as you discover what they enjoy. For example, some women prefer a light rhythmic touch on their clitoris, and others may want more direct pressure and speed. It all comes back to the communication point we discussed earlier. You can help your partner achieve orgasm this way, or move on to oral sex or penetration.

Penetration or Fingering

Some women love and want penetration. Others may not like it due to a number of reasons, such as it causes them pain, past trauma, or it isn’t part of their gender role. It’s smart to communicate on this or pay close attention to body cues. Once you have removed their panties, you can easily circle your finger around her vaginal opening to excite her and make sure she is wet. This act will also give her a chance to tell you if she doesn’t want penetration. 

Top Tip – It’s worth noting that not all women naturally lubricate, so having a water-based lube to hand is recommended

If they give you the go-ahead to proceed, then very slowly ease your index finger in a little bit facing up towards her belly button. If the response is positive, you can slide in the rest of the way. Depending on the person, you can add additional fingers the same way. Take your time with this to see what she likes. Don’t go in for a full-on finger bashing right away, as this could hurt and be a complete turn-off.

As mentioned earlier, there are many erogenous zones inside the vaginal walls. These include the infamous g-spot, which is about an inch or two inside the vagina towards the belly button. As women get aroused, the g-spot swells, and it feels ridged and spongy. 

For some women, the g-spot sits more on the surface of the vaginal wall, which makes it a much easier spot to stimulate. For others, the g-spot is somewhat tucked in and back so it can only be reached if you curl your fingers towards you and make a “come here” motion. Most women will also need clitoral stimulation along with penetration for their first orgasm (approx. 70 %). Your partner may want to stimulate her clit while you f*ck her, or you could do it with your finger or your mouth.

Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Oral Sex: 

Now for the holy grail of lesbian sex – oral sex! Now’s the time to enjoy learning all the wonderful ways you can use your mouth to pleasure your partner. I don’t need to tell you again that every woman is different. This means that technique, speed, and pressure will depend on the person. So it’s best to start slow and soft and work your way up from there.

Start by kissing the erogenous zones around her lower area first. Licking and kissing down the stomach or the inside of the thighs can be a massive turn on. Then you can move onto the vulva zone, teasing all of this sensitive area before you get to work on the clit. Again, starting slow and soft at first, and gradually gathering speed and pressure. Keep in mind that the entire vulva area is sensitive, so you don’t need to focus all of your attention on the clit. Have fun teasing and exploring until you find the sweet spot for your lady.

Another way of intensifying oral sex can be to pair it with penetration (if that’s something your partner is into). Stimulating the g-spot with your fingers while using your mouth and tongue to stimulate the clit can lead to an explosive orgasm. Just remember to keep things slow and steady, teasing with various methods, until your partner indicates that you’re on the road to glory.

first time lesbian sex tips
Beautiful Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

More First Time Lesbian Sex Tips

While we have covered the basics of first-time lesbian sex, there are some other things you may wish to consider. I won’t go into too much detail about them here but have a read through, and you can do some extra research should you feel it’s necessary.

  1.  Lesbian sex doesn’t necessarily mean safe sex. Wear protection!
  2. You can still lose your virginity during lesbian sex. If the hymen breaks, there may be a little or a lot of blood.
  3. Some lesbians do not like giving pleasure; others do not like taking pleasure. It’s a thing, and it has nothing to do with you.
  4. Some women ejaculate or squirt when they orgasm. Others don’t. Don’t freak out that she’s wet herself. You should most certainly see it as a good thing.
  5. Not getting wet or not achieving an orgasm is nothing to be concerned about. There are numerous reasons why either of these things might happen, and you can most likely put it down to nerves. The beauty of it is, you can keep trying!
  6. At the same time, taking too long to orgasm is not a thing. The more you worry about how long you’re taking, the less likely it is to happen.
  7. Farting or queefing is nothing to be embarrassed about. Laugh it off and carry on.
  8. Going through the emotions is also normal. You might laugh. You might cry. Just go with it and be in the moment.

Final Thoughts on First Time Lesbian Sex

Thank you for taking the time to read this article on first-time lesbian sex. I hope it has helped you to feel more confident about your first girl on girl sexual encounter. We have stuck to the basics here, so as not to overwhelm you with too much information. But as you continue to have sex with this partner and/or others, there will be other things to consider that we will address in upcoming articles. Is there anything else you would like to read more about? Let us know in the comments or reach out to us through our contact us page.

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Charlotte & Natalie x

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